Japan Govt looking to open borders, but limit numbers of J-vloggers

He’s having fun because he’s role playing as a successful reporter.

While plans for opening borders are now moving swiftly through Nagatacho, lawmakers have also made some broad outlines for the door to remain shut for certain types of people.  Humans Rights groups, left-wing organizations, and other perpetual whining pains in the ass had been ready to crank up the outrage, but they called a halt to things when it was revealed that western youtubers were the targets of new government policy.

Smiles all around as the new policy becomes law.

“We’re kind of sick of self-styled reporters coming here and then trying to tell everyone about the real Japan,” explained government spokesperson Jiko Nagusame.  “Can people just come to Japan and enjoy it, without having to film themselves role playing as TV reporters?”

This quaint town is just waiting for a J-vlogger to arrive and film it to kingdom come.

For reasons beyond the scope of this reporter, some youtube videos end up getting a lot of views, but most seem to become a kind of holiday slideshow for the 21st century.  Phekel Mathir, an online content expert, argues that J-vloggers are performing a valuable role in informing potential travelers about what to expect in Japan.

What’s wrong with the picture? It needs a J-vlogger walking through with all the style, grace and consideration for others as a bunch of Chinese tourists.

“J-vloggers are either much-loved or much-loathed.  The fact is that westerners asking young Japanese women on the likelihood of them performing fellatio on a white man who is in town for the week can make stimulating viewing,” says the 38 year old Mathir.  “Reviews of vending machines and convenience store snacks can also be informative and entertaining.  I don’t know how people can mock that and call the vloggers all kinds of names.

A street in Tokyo. J-vloggers can teach you how to walk down it.

“The Japanese government appears to have condoned the ridicule by introducing this isolationist policy.  The silence from the Human Rights groups is also deafening.  I can’t believe that they have to be reminded that J-vloggers are real people with real dreams, and that they deserve to be supported.”

Thirsty? J-vloggers can tell you how to put coins into one of these vending machines.

For the time being, the band of itinerant, enthusiastic reporters are facing an uncertain future.  They will be allowed into Japan, but only on the proviso that they don’t film and report every single thing that they do.  For some, that’s akin to being told not to breathe, and as a result many J-vloggers are not prepared to budge an inch. Some have even publicly stated that they will not compromise.  However, if the new policy is anything to go by, neither will the Japanese government.     

Desperate film studio’s Seven Samurai adaption sees uniform outrage

Among others, veteran actor Kyoko Fukada had been considered a front runner for a lead role, until the producers went for the cheap option by signing up seven unknowns.

Following the Kurosawa family’s failed legal challenge to both block the movie’s release and then to have the title forcibly changed, it looks like we will be seeing a new “adaption” of the classic Japanese-Western “Seven Samurai” coming to the screen soon. The embattled Tochigi-based Studio Waisetsu has staked its future on the success of the movie. 

Shooting for the film, featuring seven schoolgirls in the titular roles, was wrapped up in rural Tottori on the weekend.  And, whilst the legal side of proceedings (don’t call it a “new version” or “remake” – the legally acceptable word is “adaption”) was almost a movie in itself, the location work went very smoothly. 

It’s photo’s like this that provided the inspiration for Innou Hidai to pursue his dream of making his very own Kurosawa movie.

With the controversy surrounding the project, Director Innou Hidai was eager for the opportunity to set the record straight.  “What’s the problem?  They are seven in number and they are trained in the noble art of sword fighting,” he explained.  “If people are going to focus on trivial things like gender and wardrobe, then what chance does a filmmaker have?

“Ayase Haruka starred in a version of Zatoichi.  Where were the naysayers then?  Sure, the concept of a timeslip appearing is novel, and the girls just happening to be all carrying the same kind of beverage and also the same kind of snacks could be considered unlikely, but there are always Buy 6 – Get 1 Free specials going around.  Convenience stores purposely place a discounted snack at the front of a store.  So, it isn’t impossible.”

Ayase Haruka showed that she’s more than a cleavage on legs by displaying her sword fighting prowess in Ichi.

Veteran movie critic Oppai Yuganda expressed his disgust at the undisguised cash-grab.  “It looks like a product placement pile-on.  The girls are carrying a plethora of bathroom products.  They’ve got hair gel, lipstick, foundation, deodorant, and frangers.  There’s always a product of some sort in the frame, so the audience are treated as consumers rather than patrons throughout the movie.  Any thoughts that this is a work of art, to be savored and admired, evaporate quickly.

“Japanese film makers need to ask themselves if they are making film as art, or just a 90 minute advertisement.  While I’ll always applaud local cinematic productions, more often than not I find myself merely giving a token golf clap.  We all know there’s a big bucket of federal arts cash for local production, and there is even more money handed out if you put the right products in the stars’ hands.  It’s just sad when the cash is always allocated to friends, or friends of friends.  Personally, I worry when porn production quality is surpassing that of supposedly serious drama.”

These young ladies had no way of knowing it, but they provided a blueprint for how classy students used to look back in the day. Director Hidai ultimately decided to make his seven students faster and more open-minded.

Another critic, or film reviewer as he requested that we call him, Mogura Tebayai, was scathing,  “The bandits aren’t bad, are they?  Oh, they’ve got moustaches and poor personal hygiene.  They chew and spit tobacco.  They use foul language.  But, they have seven hot teenage girls whom they take prisoner, yet no harm comes to these girls at all.  Tokyo offices and subway trains are actually more dangerous places for young women.”

Despite the one star review, Tebayai admitted to investing his life’s savings in the film.  “This kind of stuff is a license to print money.  Don’t look at the storyline. Look at the visual content in its most simple form. You’ve got seven 18-year-old babes with swords running around in cute uniforms.  The weaboos around the world are going to go nuts for this.  Just the income from DVD sales in France ought to be enough to pay off my house.”

Tech-Wiz Hirogari Seibyo is back to answer readers’ questions

A little over twelve months ago we introduced computer maestro Hirogari Seibyo to all of you, our legion of readers from around the world (“Tech-Wiz quietly achieves anti-mosaic breakthrough” – Nov. 2019).  Interest in Seibyo’s situation has remained high.  Every month we receive enquiries into how he is faring, and whether he has developed any new programs that could benefit porn enthusiasts.  So, over lunch at a Peruvian restaurant in Jiyugaoka, Seibyo answered some of your more thoughtful questions.  Once again, it’s over to you…

Stewart Barber:  How are you doing financially these days?

HS:  Remarkably well.  One former college buddy discovered that I was the guy who everyone was talking about.  He’s a big time financier and he immediately recruited me and now I’m raking it in as his go-to for IT solutions. 

Haley Brewer:  Is there any hope that you can make money from your invention?

HS:  I’m quietly confident.  My financier buddy fully supports my mosaic busting research.  In fact, he’s got a legal team searching for loopholes in the law so that we can launch an app legally and develop revenue streams.

Rupert Falconer:  Where does your interest in porn come from?

HS:  To be honest, it comes from many places.  I have an aunt who was very hands-on with me right when I was discovering sex.  I got an erection when she was stroking my back rather sensually one day.  So, after that I went out and looked for a porn actress who looked similar to my aunt in order to satisfy my sexual curiosity.

Tiffany Candler:  What part of the anatomy are you focusing on with your research at the moment?

HS:  The clitoris.  Right now I’m programming my app to identify so many varieties of the upper region of the vagina.  Big buds, small buds, and wonky buds… We’re really making progress in accurately reproducing these cute little things.

Ronnie Faulkner:  Are you a uniform man?  If so, which kind?

HS:  You know, I’ve never really got into uniforms as a fetish.  I’ve always seen the bloomer genre, in particular, as a sign of repressed intellectual growth.  Having said that, I’m a patriot and I love the sight of a young woman in a yukata being ravished.

Sean Farrier:  Do you have any advice for youngsters who want to follow in your footsteps?

HS:  Just to keep having a go, and not giving up.  When kids start out on guitar, they usually start with the obvious chord riffs like “Wild Thing” or “Blitzkrieg Bop”.  In a similar vein, focusing on large cocks is probably the best way for a budding mosaic buster to practice.  So, start with the basics.

Ray Muller:  If I stick something up my bum when I flog off, would that make me homosexual?

HS:  I’m not sure why you’d be asking me this question.  I would say that all depends on what kind of porn you were watching.

Eliza Fuller:  Have you ever thought about developing something that could be useful in education, or how about something that would help the disabled?

HS:  (sighs) This kind of question again.  (deeper sigh) Look, there are plenty of cherry boys out there who may never, ever, see a real vagina.  The technology that I’ve created gives them the chance to see what pussy looks like.  As for helping the disabled, I’m sure that there are some slow learners and physically handicapped who are using my creation to get horny.  At any rate, I’ve probably done more than you to help these people.  How many handicapped gentlemen have you flashed your tits at or jerked off?

Noel Thacker:  Do you think your invention will encourage actresses, like Ai Uehara, to come out of retirement to add a coda to their careers?

HS:  While it would truly be wonderful if that were to happen, Ai Uehara would have to make some tough decisions.  It’d be a shame to see her try to continue doing schoolgirl stuff, but she could perhaps move into the role of a teacher, a mother, or an aunt of a student.  Personally, I’d love to see her getting into sophisticated scenarios and donning stylish dresses or kimono.  At the end of the day, however, that’s entirely up to her and whichever Pachinko boss she’s currently living with.   

Fred Granger:  How do see the future of porn, particularly from a Japanese perspective.

HS:  I’d like to think that there is a future there for young people who wanted to have movie careers, but weren’t quite good enough, and then had trouble finding other kinds of work, and then decided that the only way to get ahead in life was to get it on in front of the cameras.  It’d be sad if this narrow avenue to financial independence were to come to a dead end.

And that’s where we’ll leave it for the time being.  Once again we’d like to thank Hirogari for taking time out of his busy schedule to talk to us.

“Don’t call it bread!” Culinary expert lashes out at Japanese sweet bread

Sweet bread can be served with class, like here, but it’s usually served in a generic plastic wrapper.

“There is a lot to unpack here,” sighs Pierre Petain, his hands clasped firmly as if to emphasize the conviction in his voice.  Petain, a 67 year old lifelong baker and pastry chef, has just examined a creation know as meron pan, or melon bread.

Much loved amongst cute schoolgirls and slightly wimpy schoolboys, meron pan carries an abundance of artificial sweeteners and flavoring.  Rumors related to the product are numerous. One conspiracy theory contends that pharmaceutical giants purchase meron pan companies, and then increase the levels of preservatives and additives in order to create a spread of constipation.

The veteran baker stressed the importance of people in Japan realizing that it’s far more of a candy product than a bread product.  “Don’t call it bread.  Don’t display it in the bread section.  Don’t behave as though it’s completely alright to eat it at 7:00am.”

Japanese bakery students hang on every word during lectures given by Petain.

A man who is no stranger to fighting battles against ignorance and public misconceptions, Petain carries the burden of bakers wherever he goes.  “Bakers have to be in bed early, so they don’t get the sexual opportunities that chefs, sommeliers, and maître d’s get.  What they do get is laughed at for the reputation of being hopeless drunks and loners.  Where is the fairness in that?

“That’s where the jokes about bakers committing indecent acts on the dough have come from.  Most of those stories are overblown, but you have to ask yourself; what would you do in the same position?

“Bakers don’t get the respect that they deserve.  Television tries to show us in a positive light.  We see bakers bouncing around their bakeries and being enthusiastic about the finished produce.  But, we’re fatigued, undersexed, hungover, and indulging in unhygienic behavior with our mixtures pre-oven.  Waiters are sexy with slick hair and, ironically, firm buns which they develop through working out.  Their crotches are at eye-level for the diners.  Meat and veg in your face.”

Petain in his younger days, ready to mould anything between his gentle, firm, warm hards.

The contempt for bakers extends to the product itself.  Petain constantly laments that there is no bread equivalent of the 1516 Bavarian Purity Law.  “We really need a historic document so that we can defend something tangible.  Japanese travelers complain about sushi overseas lacking authenticity.  Well… what about mayonnaise on pizza, or beer with a fake head?  With bread it’s twice as bad.  Surely the taste of melon bread alone should be enough to determine its classification.”

Petain listened in agitation when being told that meron pan is just the tip of the iceberg among the plethora of flavored bread choices in Japan.  His face took on the appearance of a dried-plum as the full extent of the bastardization of bread became more apparent.  He looked up at the ceiling before barking for the whole café to hear, “This is not good for bakers, and it’s not good for bread.”

Welshman anxiously awaiting big disaster in order to be interviewed by western media

A typhoon is always presents a chance for widespread damage to occur.

Another disaster could hit Japan anytime.  If it’s not days of heavy rain triggering floods and mudslides, it’ll be earthquakes or train derailments.  When you throw in the North Koreans firing missiles from time to time, your odds of becoming caught up in an internationally newsworthy event get even shorter.  

A pedestrian puts enormous faith in a flimsy umbrella during a storm.

While others go about life as grasshoppers, living for today, Junior High School PE and English teacher Richard Llewellyn, sees himself as an ant busying himself for the inevitable.  “I’ve got my room perfectly set up for the interview.  My wall has an old Ken Takakura gangster movie poster displayed, and there’s a bonsai tree on my shelf. 

Tiny umbrellas are never any match for monsoonal rains.

“I subscribe to the Asahi Shinbun to make sure that I’ll have the day’s newspaper on my desk too, so it looks like I can actually read kanji.  I mean, I can read a little, but it’d really help me if the disaster involves a river or a mountain.  I think it’s important that people see Japanese things around me when I’m on screen.  It’ll help to provide that feeling that I’m in amongst it, and not just sitting in a bedsit in Cardiff.”

This dynamic reporter has stepped outside her office just long enough to tell everyone that you can get wet when it rains.

“I plan to wear a smart collared shirt to show the audience that I’m taking my role as an information provider seriously, and I want my old high school classmates to think that I’m really getting ahead in life.  I probably won’t have a shave though.  That’s because I need to show the masses that personal grooming is the last thing on my mind.”

Knee-high rubber boots can be put to good use in various situations.

For the 34 year old Llewellyn, planning for reporting on a disaster that he’s likely to survive comfortably has given him something to focus on in life.  “I’ve done my boozing and picking up in Shinjuku and Roppongi.  I’ve had the affairs with students’ moms.  I just want to get on and do something with a purpose I haven’t shown since I learnt how to read hiragana and work out a couple of handy aikido moves.”

Experienced reporters have managed to convince producers to let them stay nice and dry during extreme weather events.

“I’ve sussed out how to contact the BBC and The Guardian quickly, just in case there’s some amateur out there ready to steal the spotlight.  I’m pretty sure that, as a Welshman, at the very least I’ll be able to at least get interviewed for some radio station in Swansea or Wrexham.  I’ve also got a memo written on my desk reminding me to find out the name of the interviewer.  If I can use the interviewers name it’ll look like I have some kind of rapport with top-tier reporters.  Who knows where it could lead?”

Rural Japan sees incest blossoming amid visitor shortage

Japan in all its traditional beauty can be a very seductive environment.

“How can something so wrong feel so good?”  With the absence of vulnerable farm-stay college students this summer, it’s a question being asked in far- flung prefectures throughout the archipelago.  It seems that sexual adventures with country-loving students have been replaced with sibling ribaldry.  This disturbing phenomenon has come to light following the release of a report by tireless government researchers which focuses on Aomori, Fukui, and Kochi, although perennial leader Ibaragi remains firmly at the top of the ladder.

“Usually the city slicker students who come here just need a little coercion, and then it’ s party time,” explains veteran farmer Joseiki Setsujo.  “Others come here with dreams of banging someone next to a rice field.  Mind you, that’s something you only want to do once; mosquito bites in sensitive areas tend to be a deterrent.  This year we haven’t had any naïve Tokyoites coming here, which is a shame.  We’ve always been able to physically exploit them in one way or another.”

Mother/Son relationships always have the potential to take on an incredibly unexpected and intimate turn.

In some areas, undersexed teenage sons are getting a helping hand from people who really know them well.  “My son Shunsuke denied that he was stressed.  He said that his exam prep was going smoothly, but I knew better.  Despite his pleas, I persisted and now I give him a good flogging off once a week,” gushes still attractive Rieko Ishiwatari.  “I’m not sure who enjoys it more, to be honest.

“He shouts at me, telling me that he doesn’t want an orgasm from his mom, but that just drives me, and I give him extras like a gentle rake of the scrotum.  You should see his pubic hair. It’s is the thickest fuzz I’ve ever seen. His resistance is flagging now, but there is definitely nothing else that’s flagging.  Let me tell you!  I know what he’s into more than he does.  What can I say?  Mom knows best!”

A sexually isolated and confused younger sister can lead to a mundane relationship taking an unexpected and intimate turn.

Professional local character Watami Shirokiya was keen to spin the story in the farming communities’ favor, “Us country people are laughed at for our old traditions.  Usually we cash in on them, however.  Do you know how many western tourists come here to see our lame stuff?  It’s like taking money from a crack whore.”

Still grinning at his last observation, he adds, “So, is incest a custom here?  Well, there are stories from ages ago.  Some of them are pretty nasty, while others are admittedly quite titillating. We had districts where incest was treated with tacit approval, but that died out a long time ago.   I haven’t heard of anything like that happening in the last five years at least.”

What’s gross for some is a big turn on for others.

According to the explosive report, most of the incest occurring is between siblings in the bath, in the local river, and, perhaps most disturbingly, in the parents’ bed.  Incest in the bath usually involves curious girls, soapy genitals and insistent touching which invariably results in over-excited boys being unable to hide their true feelings, before the line is crossed. For the most part, there is a great deal of shared self-disgust, but in rare cases they go on for a second, or even third, round.

With stories of brothers and sisters in high school uniforms making out spreading on the internet, it’s only a matter of time before even more weaboos from around the world steal money from their grandparents and head to Japan.  The question, therefore, must be asked; Is rural Japan ready for the wave of geek voyeurs creeping through villages, hoping to hear the words “Nee-san! Saikou!” shouted by horny teenage boys?

Kamakura’s resident wandering old man lonely for tourists

Picturesque Kamakura. A must visit for tourists wanting to experience the real Japan.

Foreign tourists disappearing from Kamakura has finally allowed locals to be free to leisurely gaze at the Big Buddha, pray silently at a temple, and hate on the tattooed ne’er-do-wells.  So great is the change that a collective audible sigh of relief can almost be heard. One senior local, however, actually misses having the visitors from overseas around!  Can you believe that!?

“I don’t have anyone to practice my English skills on,” moans 78 year old Myaku Amarinai, reluctantly closing his manga featuring a center spread of teenage bikini models.  “I want to tell someone about how we Japanese love to hear the sound of chirping cicadas in summer, or how we appreciate the simplicity of nature, or how unique our culture is.

Although not homeless, Amarinai often carries his favorite blue tarpaulin around for reasons not immediately apparent to onlookers.

“I like to score points and go on about how Americans love tomato sauce, and clog up their arteries with all that cheese and butter.  I miss that.”  But surely there are still plenty of foreigners with whom he can engage in conversation?  “I prefer to go after the low hanging fruit.  Tourists tend to be amazed by anything, but a long-term resident will correct me.  They’ll tell me some uncomfortable truths when I’m trying to go for a low blow or make them feel guilty.

“They cockblock when I’m LARPing as an old man who’s full of spirituality and wisdom,” said Amarinai as he tried to inconspicuously stuff an onigiri wrapper into a hedge.  “Screw them, and screw iPhones and Google for making information so readily accessible.  We don’t want that technology in Japan.  Are iPhones related to baldness?  I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.  I see so many bald white guys these days.  What kind of future do their mixed-race kids have?”

Tsuribakanishi: an absolute howler of a franchise.

Amarinai, who swears that Tsuri Bakanishi is the epitome of cinematic comedy (“It’s funny because they place more importance on fishing than weddings, funerals, and executive board meetings.”) shakes his head while throwing out another question. “Did you know that they have sake bars in New York and Paris?  Those people can drink it, but they can’t drink it and enjoy the same level of satisfaction as a Japanese man who has just finished a brutal week’s work.”

The loneliness felt by Amarinai is the loneliness felt by many this summer in Kamakura.  Yuigahama, the local beach, is largely deserted this year.  The beach houses, often rented by randy sunlovers for showers and obligation-free sex, are vacant.  The temporary shops along the beach are also closed, resulting in pain for the well-known domestic businesses which specialize in quick, untraceable, cash transactions.

For the foreseeable future, it looks like inbound tourism is as dead as the MD Player, meaning that Amarinai will be forced to up his game and engage with foreign residents, or at least just spit on the sidewalk in front of them as they walk past him.

Kyoto people returning to the good old days of simply having contempt for the rest of Japan

Tourists eagerly taking pictures of a woman in a kimono, unaware that they are blocking an ambulance carrying a critically ill child to hospital.

The maiko are back walking on the street unimpeded, the decibel levels in the shops are back to comfortable levels, and the taxi drivers are sitting around enjoying the smell of their own farts.

Kyoto, it seems, is back to what used to be considered normal, before the city became overwhelmed by hordes of foreign tourists.  If any further proof was needed, the sign outside the central police station proudly boasts that it’s been well over 100 days since anyone defecated on a city street.

“For the time being, at least, we’re free of the Chinese visitors,” beamed resident street urchin Fumiko Noguso as she took time out from collecting tobacco from discarded cigarette butts, “That’s not to say that we’re going to start welcoming domestic tourists though.

An ignorant and shameless couple ignoring a clearly displayed sign requesting that people refrain from taking photos.

“Some people read Yukio Mishima and come here expecting to take part in a stimulating discussion about the Golden Pavilion.  Thank god we can avoid all that now, as only those who are born and bred in Kyoto can fully appreciate that novel.  It’s bad enough seeing foreigners making out that they’re down with local literature, but people from Saitama and Chiba look twice as pathetic.”

Tabi Museum curator Kareshu Waki has a slightly broader outlook, hoping that Corona has given Kyoto a chance to start again.  “Can we set up a system so that only nice foreigners can come here?  Perhaps we can raise prices across the board.  That way only cashed up Europeans, Israelis and North Americans will be able to come.  Granted – some of them might be assholes like our cafe staff, but I’ll take them over those stingy bores from Nagoya going on and on about how quaint Gion looks.”

Too sacred to walk on; this how Kyoto residents like to see their streets.

“The state of the toilets has improved remarkably,” enthused independent tofu wholesaler Seishi Katakunari.  “One time I was in a stall and the smell was nasty.  The guy in the stall next to me was Chinese.  He was shouting on his phone and vacuating at the same time.  I don’t know how he could stand it, though.  I kid you not, it was like something had crawled up his ass and died. It smelt worse than a hikkikomori‘s house with a deceased mother still drawing the pension.”

It seems that bad-tourist tales have replaced The Temple of the Golden Pavilion, told with a touch of nostalgia when they are discussed.  And, with the way things are going, hordes of Chinese tourists, rowdy students, and Antipodean backpackers may indeed be joining those street defecations, as stories from the Kyoto of the past… unless the tourists eventually return… or whatever.

Locals in shock: Westerner reveals that he knows the name of a famous Japanese person

Satomi standing empty handed while taking a break from spruiking the subway, beer, cosmetics, or her latest unwatchable drama.

About a dozen drinkers in a bar in Chiba were shocked, but thrilled, on Saturday evening when they discovered that their Australian companion was familiar with a star local actress.

“All I said was that I was aware of Ishihara Satomi, as her face can be seen in just about every train carriage and during every other commercial break on TV,” explained 34 year old Brayden Liptak.  “But, everyone around me suddenly started muttering excitedly to each other.”

Ishihara suited up in a desperate attempt to save HMV from creditors.

Local easy lay Moe Aibiki appeared more than impressed with the foreigner’s knowledge of the country that he’s called home for more than a decade.  “He’s not Japanese, yet he actually knows a famous Japanese person.  Wow!”  The seasoned drinker added that she would bang Liptak just for that fact alone. 

Another bar regular, Inbu Kyokubu, expressed a similar level of amazement.  “He knows a lot about Japan.  I’ve even seen him order shochu by specifying the exact type he prefers.  (He’s) great.” 

The Midas Touch: A pensive Satomi prior to another long day promoting some kind of consumer good to the masses.

Liptak, who moved to Japan from Adelaide years ago after learning that he could get a job teaching without the need to be constantly aware of drug, alcohol, and violence protocols, didn’t really know what to make of the high regard in which he is now held at the bar. 

Keen to get it across that he’s no Last Samurai figure, Liptak stressed his extreme unremarkableness.  “All I do is walk around with my eyes open to the world around me.  I see a good looking woman on the screen in the train carriage, and I find out her name so I can check out the saucy pics online.  End of story.”

All female stars in Japan are forced to go through the gruelling kimono shoot.

The owner of the bar isn’t having any of the South Australian’s modesty, however.  “Until Liptak walked into my bar, I just assumed every white man was in Japan to laugh at us men and spread their seed amongst the women,” said Junpaku Seifuku.  “Now I know that among all that milk drinking vermin, there is one white man who is different, and he is our unicorn.  He values our culture, and he’s always welcome in my bar… just so long as he doesn’t bring any other whiteys through my door.”