Cheeses Christ! French ex-pat goes for half price but cops full sentence

Le Pointu re-used the same 50% sticker (minus the bar code) over and over again to help himself to demi-priced delights

A young Frenchman has brought shame on himself, his family, and his country after being found guilty of tampering with supermarket price stickers.  “Just count yourself lucky that buggery isn’t rife in our prison system,” advised Judge Junichi Kumagaya as he handed down a sentence of a month in the stretch.  37 year old Gaston Le Pointu, from Amiens, had been spotted repeatedly applying 50% OFF stickers to his favourite cheeses at his local supermarket which happens to have a pretty impressive selection, despite being located in a boring, unsexy part of north-eastern Tokyo. 

Jane Birkin on the stereo and nature’s bounty on the table

Le Pointu appeared to be a model regular customer who was often seen flaunting a garish tote bag. But it was his insatiable love of cheese that led to suspicions.  Said one shop assistant, “I used to look at him and think, ‘What a lucky guy.  He comes here, has sex with cute girls, and finds the 50% OFF cheese every time he shops here.’ Turns out he was cheating on the cheese just as often as he cheats on his women.”  

This monk would probably be horrified to learn that his fellow-countryman was getting this fine cheese cheaply by evil means

At a hastily convened press conference to address Le Pointu’s disgraceful behaviour, French Ambassador Gerard Villers-Bretonneux said, “I am not here to talk about any individual’s poor behaviour.”  When it was pointed out that the press conference had indeed been arranged to address Le Pointu’s behaviour, the Ambassador pulled out some statistics about American servicemen kicking cats in back alleyways before throwing out some romantic bons mots for the thirsty, largely female, press corps. 

A barely gripped podium; the sign of a man who knows how to stay cool in a crisis, with neither a change in pulse or bead of sweat.

However, the Ambassador concluded on a formal note, “As a friend and fellow member of the G7, France extends her best wishes for the road ahead and looks forward to continued cooperation between all parties to restore confidence in the quality and market prices of cheese in both our countries. Now, if any of the older, but not too old, ladies here would like to accompany me to my private chambers…”

The judge saw the bow tie and added a week to the sentence

Le Pointu’s defence was typical of the kind of westerner that inhabits Japan, succeeding in pie-in-the-sky claptrap whilst failing in stone-cold logic.  “A Frenchman should only have to pay farm-direct prices for French cheese, no matter where they reside.  Transportation, utilities, and storage are no concern of mine.  Distance is a concept, not a reality.  It’s an existential dilemma really.  In fact, let’s remove all relevances from this conversation.”

It’s suspected that Le Pointu has also used his technique on lamb, and anything else that strains his language teacher budget.

The prosecution pointed out that Hokkaido camembert was also of high quality, but Le Pointu responded by explaining that the Japanese hadn’t grasped all the facets of producing fine cheese.  “Nothing beats the feeling of the first breath, the smell of the camembert as though it’s been ever so delicately and lovingly wiped along a sweaty bum crack just prior to packaging, the way it has always was and will be.

Such a fine product being wasted on the likes of Le Pointu

“This court and I have a different set of values. You must understand – geographical boundaries are of no significance to me. I owe my allegiance to my sense of satisfaction,” said Le Pointu, who then proceeded to completely contradict himself by adding, “I’m a man who lives by categories. I like my ham Italian.  I like my olives Spanish.  I like my cheese French.”  Le Pointu also asked the press scrum to note “off the record” that he likes his cabin attendants, porn, and traditional summer gowns Japanese.  

Veteran teacher refuses to yield to critics juiced up on cancel-culture

It’s CAs like these women who power the waves which online teachers are surfing

Last month’s article (“Fully Qualified western teacher incredulous over growing demand for Filipina Zoom Teachers”) has caused a fair bit of outrage and seen Jarrod Dallas’ near drowning in a torrent of abuse.  Cancelled on two major platforms, Dallas has found out who his real friends are, so we thought it would only be fair if we gave him another chance to put his case forward.  

Can you describe how you feel at the moment, Jarrod?

It’s not a question of how Jarrod Dallas feels at the moment.  I would say look at anyone when they are feeling vulnerable, as this situation is really challenging, and especially as a man… it’s a lot, so… y’know. But, thank you for asking, because not many people have asked if I’m ok.  It’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.  It certainly hasn’t been easy and, no – things are not ok.  It’s been a struggle.  These people will destroy your life.  I think I speak for all qualified teachers in Japan when I say this.

Are you the union leader or something like that?

No, I’m not even a member of a union.

Well, in that case, you can’t speak for anyone but yourself.

………….Oh.

Don’t get excited! These ladies only work in Business or First Class

Surely you’d still like to say something about all this outrage that you’ve caused?

Sure, I do.  Try this little recipe;  Take a bit of Covid-19, the rapid rise in popularity of Zoom, and add a developing country known for its hot women which shares roughly the same timezone as Japan.  What’s the result?  Unemployment, if you’re an experienced and qualified business English instructor in Japan.

It hurts, because I’m such a dynamic teacher.  I’m known as “The Motivator” wherever I work because I really pump the students.  I give it to them hard, let them know who’s boss, and dare them to challenge me.  I go all the way to the edge and laugh at it as I step off.  I cop complaints on a pretty regular basis, but there’ll always be people who can’t hang on and get to grips with my expeditious technique. I’ve never claimed that I could take everyone along for the ride either.

How do you feel about Japanese businessmen choosing Filipina teachers en masse?

It’d be a shame to think that all these businessmen just want to look at some eye-candy for an hour, rather than getting down to learning some tried and true key expressions that have the potential to influence a client’s decision.  Do they really think people like me are all uncool cast-offs who aren’t worth the First-World wage-slave rates? Their actions suggest that they do.

They’re happy because their next seven days won’t be spent in Manila

How do you feel about the women who are providing the Zoom lessons?

I’d never spend a night with one of those women, and I’ll tell you why, too.  The reason is that I don’t want to wake up to find that I’m not only married, but that my parents’ wills have been amended.  These babes are fast, in more ways than one.  One thing that they can’t do is teach English as well as me.  Can they explain the etymology of “rain-check”?  Do they know how to work terms like “Hail Mary”, “Pinch Hitter”, or any Yogi Bera quote into a conversation?  

And let me ask about the credibility of a Filipina involved service industry where the customer has to provide the tug!?  That’s like a French restaurant where you have to put that fancy drizzle over the dish yourself, or doing time in a Turkish prison where you have to violate yourself.  The non-physical aspect of zoom ought to negate the Filipina mystique and effect the market price of the “language lessons”.

And, how do you feel about people from The Philippines in general?

I wish them well on their unfeasibly long road toward becoming an attractive place to reside.  At the end of the day, we have to remind ourselves that these people put soy sauce in their Adobo though.  Isn’t that kind of like putting pineapple on a pizza?  Is The Philippines actually good at anything? They never win Olympic medals, and their best boxers get beaten up by Japanese guys. I’ve gotta give credit where it’s due though; these guys can come up with a bargain. For example, did you know that any holiday spent in a coastal resort comes with a free visit to the Police Station to fill out a report?

These women who steal my students are promoted for “Clearly Spoken English”.  Come on!  They should call it “Cleavage Pokin’ English”!  That’s clever, isn’t it?  Maybe I’ll go into advertising.

Fully Qualified western teacher incredulous over growing demand for Filipina Zoom Teachers

This is a nice bright smile.

“Nobody can explain the practical benefits of using past perfect tense better than me,” asserted Jarrod Dallas last week when we sat down at a nasty little pizza bar in Yoyogi last week.  “My real life examples can really inspire a student.”

Dallas, who heads the Shinjuku English Academy, was refreshingly plain in the way he showed distain for the new trend of Japanese businessmen shunning traditional classroom Eikawa lessons with overwhelmingly dorky western guys for online lessons with teachers based in The Philippines.

“Why on earth would someone prefer a full-lipped, sultry-eyed stunner over an experienced teacher with superior linguistic, grammar, and translation skills?” asked Dallas.  “I’m all about pedagogy.  Academia is more of a lifestyle than a vocation for me.

This is a highly-qualified language teacher.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that none of these temptresses have worked in an office in a city like London,  Chicago, or… Edmonton, which happens to be where I’m from. I’ve worked in an office there, albeit just a local government office, and even then just on a part-time basis.

“I love the way they’ll talk about how great The Philippines is as a place to live.  The truth of the matter is that 90% of the women in The Philippines are prepared to use whatever skills or assets they have in order to get the hell out of there to live in a better place.  As for the other 10%, they either belong to the ruling elite or they have some strong family obligation like an illegitimate baby keeping them there.  

This is a face that you’d like to see at the end of a busy day.

“These hot looking women may smile on a zoom call, but deep down they have consumed too much first world media to allow themselves to be content in their current situations.  I say this from the heart.  Y’know, I’m on their side.  If I could send planeloads of unmarried, overweight, bald white men there to rescue them, I would.”

Industry recruiter Chinkasu Hokei talked frankly about the problems faced by many business English instructors.  “While I acknowledge the professional attitude shown by many of the white male instructors, the enduring image of a majority of Filipinas being attractive counts against them when it comes to power-harassed workers being forced to learn a language to save their jobs.  Sure, expectations of a hot, sexy female teacher are seldom met, but it’s the possibility of the study ’n’ stroke method that keeps the whole business model viable.” 

This is a mouthpiece.

The so-called “study ’n’ stroke” method has gained popularity among men who are either too busy, or too stingy, to have face-to-face lessons and then go on to a massage parlour on the way home.  So popular is the new method of study and self-pleasure, that the Ministry for Education, Trade & Industry has released a report into the knock-on effects. 

Perhaps the most visible of these effects is the high number of vacancies popping up throughout the city. Grotty looking buildings located near train stations are facing a tough time looking for new tenants as the traditional tenants, massage businesses and language schools, shut up shop – perhaps never to come back.

“What we are seeing is erotic massage experts and language instructors being forced to return home while the new breed of instructors, who don’t even live in Japan, are picking up their work,” explained Hokei.  “Sooner or later the authorities are going to have to step in to right the market, otherwise the owners of all those decrepit looking buildings are going to be forced to spend money to attract tenants who care about things like exposed wiring, clean carpet, and having a sporting chance of surviving indoor fires.”

Foreign-tourist lockout: J-vlogger shortage hits regional Japan

This young interviewee takes comfort in the fact that she can answer the intrusive questions while her identity is largely protected by her mask

Two years into the tourist lockout, experts warn that the problem of a lack of vloggers getting out into the deepest parts of Japan continues.  At the same time, there is also a related development with a shortage of “What do Japanese women actually think of western men?” content being created.

There were warnings from experts such as Regional Japan Tourism chief executive Takeshi Kuroda, that fewer western geeks getting out and about would be an issue in the long-term.  “People ask me why it’s so important to have these guys roaming the country asking young women what they think of western men.  Well, this all has a knock-on effect.  

Kuroda reasserts his position on weaboos at a recent press conference

“Horny losers see the videos and travel throughout the country, essentially to try and get laid.  And, even if they don’t come, it’s still good for brand awareness,” Kuroda said at a swanky Iidabashi whisky bar.  “We can see that in things like sake sales, game downloads, and porn clicks which all get a bounce out of these amateur videos.  We also see the phenomenon where “What do Japanese women think of western men?” videos breed more “What do Japanese women think of western men?” videos.

 “In 2010 barely any of the YouTube content from Japan was sexually related.  By 2019, that number had grown incredibly,” explained Kuroda.  “It’s as though horny geeks encourage more horny geeks to come here.  It’s something that we’ve all been too embarrassed to admit, but our economy thrives on these sex-starved dweebs.”

Just remember – it can’t be called sexual harassment if you’re carrying a microphone.

Barely functioning rural towns have long been well-aware of their growing reliance on westerners buying shit that they don’t need from their independent stores run by extremely elderly people.  “Traders from Kappabashi have come here, taken a look around, and left without ordering any of our ceramics or fabrics.  Some even laugh at the quality,” said one tofu seller in Toyama.  “These geeks will come here with their smartphones and make videos promoting our stuff, and then hang around the train station asking girls if they’d ever considered having sex with a white man.  It all helps, I guess.”

In Tokyo, a total of four “What do Japanese women think of …” videos were produced in 2021.  The last time the number was that low was more than fifteen years ago, prior to the introduction of smartphones and when YouTube was in its infancy.  Similarly, Kyoto plummeted through the psychological barrier of three such videos produced for the same year.  Unimaginable in recent years when film school graduates unable to find jobs in the real world have been drawn to the city in the hope of chancing upon a hapless Maiko on her day off.

Cute women with friendly faces get targeted the most. A resting bitchface often makes the foreign men reluctant to go in for an interview.

Kuroda said he was pleased with the progress some areas had made to date, with young Japanese creating geeky content in Okinawa and Hokkaido, but the gains being made were a long way from filling the gap left by absent weaboos.  Some prefectures have even been approaching foreign residents on Tokyo streets and asking them to visit their towns to conduct the enthusiastic street interviews.  This initiative was born following the realisation that most of the content creators were virgins coming into the country on tourist visas.  Given the jaded nature of language teachers and code monkeys, however, the project seems more than a little optimistic.

For his home prefecture of Aomori, Kuroda said it had been a “very tough two years”.  He said, “We’ve had to rethink our strategy completely.  We’re still pivoting and trying to lure excitable white filmmakers to the area.  These guys are like unicorns now, though.  We’re starting to target young mixed-race Japanese guys who have no sense of shame.  It’s really taking a lot of energy, time, and resources to get it right, but what other choice do we have.”

These women know that looking businesslike is the best way to avoid the intrusive questioning from foreigners on the street

Meanwhile, Shikoku Tourism Board Manager Hitori Samishi denied that they had been affected by the absence of western men asking local women if they’d ever consider riding a stud from overseas.  “Those kind of foreigners never came here in the first place.  Nobody gives a flying poo about visiting our fine island.  

“We would dearly love to have dorky white guys asking our young ladies on camera what they think of western men, and let me tell you that we have some of Japan’s most wonderful women here in Shikoku.  Our food and our landscape may be a little unspectacular, but that is not the case with our women.  Frankly, as a father, it’s heartbreaking to see our girls able to walk around town freely, whenever they want, without being bothered by the dweebs of the western world.  They deserve more than that.”


Australian’s vast repertoire of toilet humor fails to impress cute patron at The Hub

Humiliation complete: Fake tears were the only kind spared for the young Aussie as he left The Hub.

Buggery jokes, fart jokes, and simulations of native people of northern regions of Canada urinating were met with indifference last night at The Hub in Ikebukuro near Seibu Department Store.  For 32 year old friendless Australian Graham Neale, who had been told that if he couldn’t get laid at The Hub in Japan, then there was no hope for him, it was a nasty blow.

“I’ve really been practicing my Japanese writing lately, so that I could write down rude English words in katakana on napkins,” said a downcast Neale.  “But, there was a lukewarm reaction to that.  I think I was going over ploughed ground, to be honest.”

Warning: PTSD may occur in western men who’ve crashed and burned here.

While Neale’s suspicions carry some credence (almost all Japanese female regulars at The Hub have heard every Japanese/English crossover pun a dozen times) he rued his decision not bring out any surfing stories or kangaroo boxing stories.  “I should have gone with the Aussie ocker angle more to appeal to the women for whom North Americans have become passé.”

It wasn’t all bad news for the sex-starved Western Australian, however.  Revered Tokyo pick-up artist Taiban Yuchaku casually observed Neale throughout the evening and reached out to offer words of encouragement via social media.  “He held various girls’ interest at different stages of the night, which suggests that they don’t find him completely repulsive.

Wouldn’t it be nice: Turned away for being underage, unaware of the disappointment that awaits her in the future.

“What he needs to do is show his hands more though.  This can separate him from Japanese guys who will sit like Easter Island statues during a blind date. I’d recommend using toothpicks to do a problem solving game.  Hands can brush against each other during the game, which leads to intimacy every time I do it.  Introducing such a game suggests that a man is intelligent and, as the stereotype goes, an intelligent man is often cashed up.”

Yuchaku also urged Neale to stay true to his roots.  “He wants the girls to be constantly aware that he’s Australian?  Well then, he ought to do what so many Australian guys do; teach the rules of Australian Football and go on and on about how Australian footballers are tougher than American footballers because they don’t wear padding.  Reminding the girls that he’s played the game himself works too, even though he probably quit when he was 16 because he was too scared to mix it up on the field.

Australian No-Rules Football: A great panty-moistening topic used by the randy lads from Down Under.

“Does the Aussie football tactic work?  I don’t know, but it must because I’ve seen so many Aussie guys try it.  Another tactic he should be using is guessing each other’s ages.  Sure, it’s the most unoriginal conversation for most, but for a Japanese girl who has never read a newspaper and would fail the simplest of geography tests, it can be a winner. Some of the girls would even see such a game as a challenge.”

Buoyed by Yuchaku’s positive critique, Neale has dusted himself off and is now set to head out to The Hub establishments on the west side of Ikebukuro station. He’s got a chest full of confidence and plans to back himself against the resident Turkish customer base to score. “I just need to tune into the local philosophy and make some existential adjustments to my approach. I’m going to rant about Japanese girls not being able to French kiss properly, and hope that there’ll be one girl who takes the bait.”

Money: Japanese insecurities to look out for in 2022

Move over casinos, horse racing, pachinko. Betting on news items has arrived.

So, you want to make some money without doing any work at all? New betting markets are opening up all the time these days, and the latest market to have opened is news and current affairs, where punters can now bet on the likelihood of featured topics.  Japan, in particular, is full of anxieties which have a strong impact on the country’s gambling growth potential in 2022. So, do yourself a favour and learn about the key insecurities you should consider before betting in Japan.  

  • Once the envy of the world when names like Sony, Sharp, and Panasonic were first-choice brands, Japan is still keen to reassure itself that it’s still at the forefront of technology.  Therefore, any announcement of a local being nominated for a Nobel Prize is bound to be met with blanket media coverage.

  • While a World Heritage seal of approval receives a ripple of applause in most countries, many Japanese people will get rock hard over a place being officially internationally recognised.  Seasoned gamblers know that this is a reliable winner, especially when history boffins and architecture geeks start jetting in to town.

  • K-pop is all the rage with youngsters around the world, so whether it be a Japanese musician having success in a New York club, or a European ballet company featuring a woman from Osaka, it’ll get a good airing.  The key point is that sophistication beats financial success when nobody on your side is selling millions.  Clever gamblers have even been known to check member lists of philharmonic orchestras for Japanese names.

  • The perennial go-to for keen Japan observers is a foreigner on television talking about how clean and safe it is in Japan.  Viewers breathe a collective sigh of relief when they are reassured that their country is better than every other country in the world.  This one has been known to pop up on a weekly basis, so those after they fast money need to take note.

  • Tourists in Japan annoy everyone.  They disrupt the wa, and they generally cause enormous trouble no matter what they are doing.  Japanese tourists, on the other hand, are always welcome and make valuable contributions to the local economy.  Look out for a New Caledonian business owner saying how much he misses visitors from Japan.    

Please note that while this advice comes from experts, betting is an individual’s responsibility. Please remember to gamble responsibly, and set a limit of the equivalent of three months mortgage repayments for each session.

“I’m so excited by JAV” – White Woman breaks down the walls, but only partly

Two women meet to decide who’ll get first crack at the Euro-babe

Part II of Guy Jincarde’s look into the porn industry in Japan.

“It began with a perverted boyfriend and a stack of DVDs,” Labiana Moisenic, 31, replied when asked how she became interested in pornography of a lesbian nature.  “He was hopelessly addicted to pleasuring himself, even when I was in bed with him.  Luckily, I saw an opportunity, dumped him, and entered a world of pleasure that I had never imagined possible.”  Four years later, Hungarian-born Moisenic finds herself a fixture on the lezporn scene, where she often performs in the role of either a language teacher, a visiting tourist, a hotel employee, or even a visiting researcher at university.  

Yukata. Obi. Action!

Moisenic explained that, while things are indeed looking rosy, more needed to be done to build awareness of Japanese lesbian pornography.  “There’s a little too much of people looking and saying, ‘Aww… Japanese lesbians are so cute.’  We need to convince more people that these actresses deserve just as much respect as their North American and Latin American sisters.  You’ll notice that I haven’t mentioned German lesbians.  Well, there’s a good reason for that.”

An uneasy air of formality about to come to a sudden end

Reluctant to comment further on German lesbians, Moisenic preferred to touch on the frustration of being undermined during her work in the genre in Japan.  “I don’t think my name appears in enough lesbian porn related articles here in Japan.  It’s always the same old story for gaijin; you do the work but your efforts either go ignored or a local claims the credit, sometimes both things occur. Vietnamese strawberry pickers got a movie which shone a light on their plight. Well, where’s my documentary? Don’t I matter?

White gentlemen react to seeing two Japanese women scissoring for the first time

“Guy, you’ve been a tremendous supporter,” said Moisenic (addressing yours truly).  “Few have done more for lesbian porn in Japan and we’re really grateful for your continual support.  However, you still need to present all sides when you write your articles.  There are genuine discrimination issues in the porn industry, but nobody wants to seriously pursue them.  I find myself sidelined quite often when challenging roles come up.  I’m given excuses as to why I’m not considered for the roles, but it’s clear that there are roles that are set aside for Japanese and gaijin needn’t apply.”

Stylish and broadminded

Best-selling JAV actress Kiki Sokoneta concurred with Moisenic, but only to a point.  “Stuff such as B&D and chikan drama is closed to foreigners.  It’s strictly Japanese only, for reasons that have never been fully explained to me.  What confuses the hell out of me, however, is why someone like Moisenic would want to do that kind of work.  Try being 27 years old and wearing a school uniform and being groped and squeezed.  I’ve been tied up with ropes and had jelly shot up my butt, but that was when I was desperate to pay the rent.  I’d never enthusiastically do that.  It’s bottom-of-the-barrel pay for bottom-of-the-barrel work.”

Who knows where this simple photoshoot will lead

Fortunately for Sokoneta, her success with getting down and dirty with other women on screen has enabled her to steer clear of the more deranged forms of pornography in recent years.  Her next movie will finally see her getting the long yearned for face off with Moisenic who’ll be in her usual role as an English language tutor.  “She’s going to be teaching me grammar,” she gushes, before cheerfully adding, “But only for a few minutes.”

JAV Actresses don’t sit around feeling sorry for themselves – They just get better!

Nureta steps out for a day of appointments

Almost two years have passed since former JAV star Asoko Nureta’s outburst which left the Japanese lesbian and bisexual stars reeling.  Well-covered in this journal and other fine publications, her broadly-targeted criticism forced the JAV industry to take a good, hard look at itself for the first time in years, and the results of this forced self-reflection have been amazing.

2021 has seen some incredibly popular releases which saw studios making bank for the first time in ages.  And while the lesbian genre still has a way to go before it can topple the perennial leader Bondage & Discipline genre from its top perch, it’s fair to say that recent releases have got tongues wagging to the point where lips are being licked around the world in anticipation of new woman-on-woman action from Japan.  

♪Only a woman…♫

Heading the movement of dynamic AV actresses is 26 year old Kyuri Nakaha, who is enjoying a good run of hits including “Sisters-in-law-in-love”, “Scissor Me Softly”, and “Double-Headed Deathrattle”.  She cut a bold figure as she sat down in her traditional gown to talk about the new boom in Made in Japan output.   

“We were never bad, or underperforming in the way that was reported,” said Nakaha.  “The improvement is there.  That’s clear for all to see.  As I see it, however, the biggest improvement has been in Nureta’s attitude toward the younger AV actresses who didn’t deserve the barrage of criticism that came their way last year.  It was totally unfair, and it had more to do with Nureta’s failings in her attempt at cracking the big time in America five years ago.

Two hearts beat as one, the way nature intended.

“I wish one of you journalists would report on what happened to her.  I was so disappointed when I read your article full of her criticism of the younger actresses.  It’s up to you to do some research and present the facts to your readers.  They need to know the context in which the comments are made, but in this case you failed to do your homework.  It’s frustrating because we all knew the full picture behind the spray that she gave us.  I mean, it’s not your fault per se, but it’s a problem that journalism as a profession is facing.

“She tried to get into the mainstream in San Fernando Valley, but she couldn’t handle the vigorous butch types who were called in to ravish her when she was making “The rewards of a long haul flight to LA”.  It was like a regular for the Orix Buffaloes trying to make it in the Major League.  The endeavour was there but she was clearly out of her depth.  Her pride was wounded and the bitterness was there for all to see.  She got thrown around a bit and it’s taken her a while to come to terms with what happened.”

The bars can confine the women, but they can’t confine women’s passions and perversions.

The ill-fated career move has had a happy ending for Nureta.  With a newly found talent for English, she now manages her own business which attends to the special needs of high-end solo travellers to Japan.  This market includes people so cashed-up as to make travelling possible despite the recent upheavals to the travel industry.  One keen observer remarked that she has “craftily cornered an area of a very specific market.” 

Taking time out from her demanding schedule, Nureta was keen to set the record straight.  “I never ever wanted anybody to get fired or businesses to collapse.  I just wanted people to have pride in the industry again,” she said while reapplying her lipstick.  “Context is important, Guy.  You’ve got the credentials, the experience, and the reputation, so that means that people have expectations when they read you.  It’s your job to live up to those expectations.  You raised the bar, and now you have the responsibility not to drop it.  

Light refreshments are not always enough to satiate some.

“When I said those things, many people’s financial situations were dire.  Today we’ve got a lot of regular, emotionally stable, American and European guys paying money on sites to watch good quality Japanese product.  Two years ago it was just the gross western guys with weird Asian fetishes who were paying for our stuff, so I think we can walk with our heads held high now.  Some of our actresses can even tell their families what they really do without the fear of being turfed out of the house or cut out altogether.”

Happy actresses and happy families are the positive results of high quality (albeit occasionally disturbing) performances being captured for millions to see around the world, and that can only be good news for all involved in the industry in Japan.

Kibo module voted Most Popular Section of ISS

Cluttered, like a typical Japanese house.

Japan’s space agency JAXA has announced that the organization is about to receive official acknowledgement for having the best section of the International Space Station.  

Although the exact nature of the award remains vague, JAXA bigwigs, television presenters, and random bigots interviewed outside Shinbashi Station all looked pretty excited about the news.  “It’s always a pleasure when Japan receives due international recognition,” said one lush who added,  “Although I generally don’t value anything from overseas.”

Prepared with more care than the other food available in space.

Speculation as to the reasons for the award are centering around the Kibo having some kind of unique feature within the space station.  “My guess is that the food in the Kibo is healthier than the other food, which is probably oily and fattening,” suggested 29 year old hanko designer Yubi Hajikeru.

Other thinkers, entrepreneurs, and futurists were also focusing on superior cultural values.  19 year old student Yonaka Haishutsu offered, “Perhaps the award is simply down to the fact that everyone has to take their shoes off when they enter the Kibo section.  I guess that it must be the cleanest part of the space station.”

Waiting for Darth to arrive.

Mina Kirai, a 37 year old Kagoshima hotel employee taking advantage of a lull in tourist trade by visiting Tokyo, said that the award should be a source of pride for all Japanese.  “I’d say that the reason why we Japanese are receiving this award is due to the leadership shown by the Kibo residents.  They have morning meetings where everyone sits around and agrees to do exactly what they do every day.  It keeps everyone aware of what their roles are.”

Kirai was also keen to make a pre-emptive strike on expected malicious rumors on social media. “The award definitely isn’t due to them having a stack of dirty manga and uniform sex DVD’s stashed in a secret, but actually well-known place.”