Spanish Festival fan Atama Denbu responds to readers’ questions

Our January article (“Spanish Culture Enthusiast’s festival gets rained on”) has has resulted in a huge response from concerned readers, not only in Japan, but from many places overseas too.  Atama Denbu has kindly agreed to sit down to answer just a few of the questions about himself, his wife Kao, and their relationship that have been sent since the article was posted.  So, let the informal Q&A session begin…

Dily Dally:  Have you ever considered doing Spanish cosplay in the bedroom to reignite your relationship with Kao?  

AD:  Umm… This is not a good idea.  Kao isn’t really a fan of anything foreign.  She’s one of those Japanese people who goes overseas and refers to the local people as gaijin.  When we went to Melbourne last year she moped around on the first day complaining that there was nowhere to eat soba, which she rarely eats in Japan.  What else does she do…?  Oh, yes – she’s the type that will mention that it’s great to get back to Japan, the best country in the world, when we’re on the flight home from a place like Australia, Tahiti, or Fiji.  Quite frankly, she’s happy living in a concrete block apartment building, watching panel shows, and munching on rice snacks.

Kylie Webster:  Both you and Kao tried to pick up with the intention of getting action at the festival.  I guess that means you have a mutually-agreed open relationship?  Is that right?

AD:  This is where things get awkward.  I was hoping not to get this kind of question.  I’m all for openness and honesty though, so I’ll just say that neither of us have officially had suspicions, or confirmed or denied anything.  We certainly haven’t had a deep discussion over these kinds of things.  I don’t know what she’s doing, and she doesn’t know what I’m doing.  Sometimes I’m late home and sometimes she’s late home.  That’s just the way it is.  Don’t you wish you could have a relationship like ours?

Lauren Gibson:  Have you stopped, just for a moment, to consider that maybe, just maybe, you might be doing a little cultural appropriating with this Spanish obsession of yours?

AD:  Are you insane?  Do you want me to start talking about Davie Bowie and Kiss with their geisha-inspired make up?  That would be pathetic, because you and your question are pathetic.  For whom the bell tolls?  Hopefully, it tolls for thee.

Mario Santostefano:  What’s with the attraction to Spanish culture and flamenco dancing?

AD:  Like many Japanese people, I was born with a flat ass.  My ass is particularly flat and it’s embarrassing because there’s so much unfilled rear space when I step out in trousers.  I heard that dancing was one way to beef up the buttocks which led me to a dance studio run by a woman who had spent a lot of time in Spain.  As a result, I just kind of fell into flamenco dancing.  If you’ve seen the movie “Shall We Dance?”, you’ll get an idea of what it was like for me.  I had no idea what I was doing at first; I had two left feet.  Many years and hours and hours of practice later, you can see me on stage coming fourth in the flamenco dance contest and having women throw themselves at me.  Iberian pork is an extension of this too.  I believe that all pork products are good for adding meat to the bone.  I like to think that these days I have a rather attractive set of buns thanks to the dancing and the consumption of pork.

Stavros Georgiades:  Do you get excited about the other culture festivals?  If so, have you ever had any “success” at those other festivals?

AD:  I’m going to be honest with you.  Yes – I used to go to all the festivals.  Yes – I enthusiastically got into the spirit of each one.  Yes – I tried to fraternise with various women at these events.  But… I was let down… by an Englishwoman.  She said that she had attended school with one of the Spice Girls and told me what she was really like.   I was smitten and she became my everything.  But, she had lied.  She had told me the name of the football team that her Spice Girl buddy supported, but in a photo that Spice Girl is wearing a different team’s shirt.  When I confronted the woman I loved with the photo, she made up a lie to cover up her original lie.  Our relationship had lost its foundations, and that was that.  She used to make dinner for me, but she would boil everything for far too long.  It was like she was being spiteful, but she insisted that it was the traditional English way.  Surely that can’t be true, though, can it?  Bad things happened at other festivals too.  I got hurt.  This all led to me realising that there had only ever been one culture festival to which I belonged, and that was the Itali- oops, sorry – the Spanish one.  

Vernon Grant:  How’s the state of Kao’s dildo these days?

AD:  The old one had to be thrown out due to the mechanical problems that were mentioned in the previous article.  That meant that for Christmas I bought a top-of-the-line model from Germany for her, which is working out really, really well.  I guess that’s one foreign thing that Kao does like.  It throbs, it pulsates, and it whirrs.  It’s put a smile on Kao’s face. 

Fred Clifford:  As a man who is awkward with women, what are my chances of getting a girlfriend at a Latin dancing nite in Roppongi? My mother told me it’s 15 women to every man.  Are they willing to date a Japanese man or only Spanish speakers who are foreign?

AD:  Every man has a chance in Roppongi… as long as you can dance.  You’ve got to move with a woman, chant with her, and if you’re good she’ll take you home with her.  Be careful not to be too presumptuous though; she will not necessarily be trying to seduce you, sometimes she’ll just be looking to dance the night away.

Hector Rimington:  Where do you stand on the great chorizo debate?  Which side are you on?

AD:  Politically, I try not to subscribe to any of the isms.  Likewise, with chorizo, I simply choose whatever will suit the occasion.  You won’t find me on the internet calling someone an asshole just because they prefer their pork sausage diced rather than ground, or vice-versa.  Oh, I just worked some Latin into my answer.

Daphne Van Olsen:  Why don’t you just move to Spain?  If you like it that much, what’s holding you back?

AD:  It would be nice, but I don’t know if my skills are required in Spain.  Here in Japan I perform a vital role in which I plan the reinforcement of river banks using an abundance of concrete.  If there’s a place for me in Spain, perhaps a Japan Wanko reader could let me know.

Sally Elliot:  I feel sorry for you after reading about how Kao treated you so badly at the festival.  Does she usually behave that way?

AD:  I wouldn’t say that she usually behaves that way.  It’s basically only when I’m trying to enjoy myself. 

And that’s where we’ll end our Q&A session with Atama.  A big thanks to everyone for your questions. 

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