78 year old Ibaraki local Shukketsu Komon was forced to spend three days in hospital due to the intense pain that came from an incident which led to a grossly swollen tongue. It appears that Komon inadvertently became mixed up with a group of western sightseers at one of Ibaraki’s barely-worth-visiting old temples, which lead to a xenophobic passive-aggressive panic attack.
According to bystanders, Komon appeared rattled, before collecting himself and recovering to a state of contempt for the people in his vicinity. However, as Komon tried to escape from the barbarians, one of them asked him in broken, but understandable, Japanese if he happened to know where the toilets were located. It was at this point that Komon’s tongue went into full clicking overdrive. Not knowing that he was showing his disgust for the white man, the considerate holidaymakers thought he was having a seizure, and gathered around him to help.
Trying to awaken from his nightmare, Komon frantically continued looking for an escape route, but there was none to be found. Said one witness, “He was like a fish on the docks, wriggling around and gasping for oxygen.” The cultural-bridge building tourists eventually helped him to the police box to get assistance, only to be met with slow-witted cops whose first thought was to check the foreigners’ passports. Onlookers stated that the tongue-clicking had been going on the entire time these actions were taking place.
Now occupying a comfortable bed in the local old-folks home, Komon has shown signs of recovery, although with the in-house tv channel showing Bad News Bears Go To Japan, Mr Baseball, and You Only Live Twice on a loop, along with the special McDonald’s Monday lunch, Komon many have a long road ahead of him.
