“In the northern hemisphere, the water swirls around the drain clockwise, whereas in the southern hemisphere it drains anti-clockwise.” It was merely a well-know fact and it certainly shouldn’t have resulted in the young lady’s knickers moistening. Yet moisten they did, and 23 year old Asami Makino made up her mind that she would get to know the fact bearer, Tyrone Mosely, more intimately that evening.
It came as no surprise to Mosely, who carries the little fun fact with him to all the bars around Tokyo. “It’s just a bit of trivia that barely any local chicks know about. I’ve had success with it a few times,” explains the slightly annoying man from Dunedin as we enjoyed tea and scones at an establishment located just off Takeshita Street, Harajuku. “I often like to follow that by explaining that New Zealand and Japan are basically in the same timezone. I use that line to establish feelings of solidarity.”
Mosely, who has never been able to successfully pick up a girl in New Zealand, reels off name after name of local ladies and the bars where he’s met them. A meticulous Nampa-Meister, he even carefully records the lines he uses so that he can statistically improve his chances of getting laid at least twice a month. “I have a fun-fact which I like to call my daisy-cutter, and it’s where I explain that Christmas is in summer in New Zealand, and that we spend all day outside by the pool. I can usually start thinking about which love hotel to visit upon delivering that one.”
Despite the apparent ease of getting girls into the sack, picking up isn’t always a cakewalk for the 31 year old. “Sometimes I feel that the chick needs a little more mental stimulation. That’s when I’ll lead us into an argument over whether or not lamb is delicious. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that line about Japanese people not liking lamb. So, I like to deliver my haymaker, which is asking, ‘So what about lamb barbecue in Hokkaido? Are you saying that all those people aren’t Japanese!?’ Heads spin after that, and I’ll suggest a love hotel when she’s off balance. After our urgent love making, I like to ask, “So… Are you still anti-lamb?’ That question always gets a vigorous shake of the head.”
Reminding Mosely that I would be publishing our interview, I asked him if he was worried about other Antipodeans coming to Japan and cutting his grass. “Not at all,” he laughed. “In fact, if my tips lead to more sex for my Southern Cross brethren, I’ll be rejoicing. Just as long as they all steer clear of the Ebisu/Gotanda area, mind you. I’m seeing more and more familiar faces these days. It’s like the western players are fighting it out over the same small pool of accessible babes. The words “stirring” and “porridge” are kind of hard to avoid, to be honest. While all this skirt chasing is fun, if I were a man with any self-respect, I would have gotten out of this game a long time ago.”
