Talk to any person in the sex education industry and they ’ll tell you that Oleg Petrov is one of the biggest threats to the industry since it took off in post-bubble Japan over 20 years ago. His techniques are said to be so effective, that the big pick-up consulting corporations have moved to buy him off. I had heard a great deal about the man, and I decided to find out more about him when he drifted to Tokyo last month. I was granted an interview on just one condition – that I pay for his lunch.
It wasn’t an interview as such; all I did was reassure him that I was paying for the meal, and pressed the record button. Petrov then talked and talked and talked, about sex, and how to get it. The slight changes in coloring around the base of a woman’s neck, the gentle accentuation of the breasts, and the facial expressions that tell of the moistening of the panties, were all areas touched on by the legendary pick-up master. Much to my delight, his responses to my gentle lead-ins were enthusiastic and lacking in any attempt at brevity.
After thirty minutes, Petrov finally came around to the subject that I was really interested in; the Petrov Technique. This technique, Petrov explained, was taught by him to Soviet agents during the cold war. Petrov, a former KGB teacher who had been sent to Siberia after teaching British pick-up techniques to a spy designated to become a sleeper-agent in America, arrived in Japan last month. His visit to Tokyo was motivated by a rumor that he had heard about a pathetic white foreigner who hadn’t been able to score in over a decade in Japan.
“The technique is far too complex to go into at length here, but just let me tell you that in the last five years I’ve taught many Israeli spies, former NFL players who’ve developed man-boobs and lost pick-up confidence, and a certain well-known controversial Italian politician’s grandsons. He was worried that they were behaving a little bit gay, so he hired me to put them on the straight and narrow. But my greatest achievement was just last week here in Tokyo when I taught a German employed by one of the big insurance companies. He’s a high ranking investment portfolio manager there, so I can’t tell you his name or the company. It all started when I made an approach to the company last month. I explained my skills and told them to contact me if they were interested. I didn’t rate my chances though, to be honest.
“To my absolute amazement they came back with a letter saying, “You’re welcome to use your techniques to help him out.” So I said, “Come on in.” I mean, what else was I going to say? So I said, “Have a seat.” Ok, now, also know that he’s been called a geek and a weirdo. And he’s hurting. That’s part of his anxiety and I know that, because I know lots of guys like him. I’ve been dealing with his type for years.
“And so…long story short…is I said, “I’m going to show you something, a technique that I’ve developed. It took me years to develop it. It’s so unorthodox that your local sex educator or nanpa wing-chick are not going to have a clue, because they’re not going to spend their time to learn new techniques. They’re not going to do that. In ten years it’ll filter down and they’ll get it and they’ll probably rename it and claim it was theirs. The fact is I’ve been using it for years. I try to keep myself up on some of the latest things out too. But what I’m going to do today is called the Petrov Technique.
“He said, “Well how many sessions do you think this will take?”
I said, “What do you mean?”
He said, “Well, will this take a year or two?”
I said, “Well, no. You don’t understand. You have two hours.”
“They haven’t been able to teach me anything in six years.”
I said, “I don’t care about their failures. My work has never been based on how other people fail. I could care less. I want you to sit down and follow my instructions. If you’re stupid, it’s going to take all day. If you’re smart we’ll be done in one hour. Are you ready?”
“Have a seat.”
“In ninety minutes we were done. He went out that night and scored. He came and saw me the next day. He broke down and cried. He said he couldn’t believe he could learn so quickly and so easily. He cried like a baby. He told me that he was now so happy because he was now able to go off and outmanouver the Brazilian guys in Roppongi.
“The point is that this technique is powerful – too powerful for the established sex educators. It’s too fast, which means it won’t turn a profit.”
Intrigued by his story, and keen to see the technique, I suggested that Petrov give me a demonstration by showing me his style with a 27 year old female acquaintance of mine who hadn’t dated a non-Jaguar driver since she turned 18. Petrov promptly checked his watch, told me to keep time, and then walked purposefully towards the young lady. As the lighting in the bar was minimal, I couldn’t really observe the two as I would have liked, but the signs were indeed there; the slight tossing of the hair, the instinctive adjustment of the dress to allow her vaginal scent to permeate, and the subconcious slow wanking off of the stem of her wine glass. In less than 12 minutes Petrov was making his way back to my table, with the lady giving him the “call me” sign as a parting gesture.
Petrov’s next stop? Well, after the young lady’s apartment, he’ll be heading for the US military bases around Japan to deliver his much anticipated lecture, “How to get laid without having to take your shirt off in a nightclub”.