A special report by the vacationing Gerald Wilkins in Wisconsin
A reluctant audience member of a junior high school event has managed to fall in love with rock music all over again. Upon arriving at the evening concert Steven Davidson, father of third year student and bass player Heath, was overheard to tell his wife, ”Do you know how much money I could be making right now?”
After sitting down in his assigned seat, Davidson appeared to sigh, roll his eyes a few times, and shake his head while biting down on his lower lip. Knowing that it would be poor form to stare at his phone, Davidson fidgeted with his suit lapels and tie while impatiently waiting for his son’s band to perform. “I bet that schmuck Bill Rodgers is stealing my clients while I’m sitting here on my fat ass,” said Davidson to his increasingly exasperated wife.
Davidson’s attitude barely changed during the ballet, the choir, and the Spanish Guitar performances, although there was a slight thaw brought on by the cheerleaders. “I’d say that the blonde one on the right has a future on stage,” he whispered, although not softly enough for his embarrassed wife. The thaw didn’t last long though as Davidson became fidgety again during the stand-up comedy set and piano solo.
With the appearance of his son’s band on stage however, Davidson began to take notice when they gave a competent, but not great, version of The Stone Roses’ “Waterfall”. Leaning toward his wife, Davidson mentioned that it was heartening to see that their son was playing something listenable rather than “rap or any of that kind of shit”.
Having brushed off their stage fright, the band then launched into an absolutely blistering version of The Views’ “Same Jeans”. This prompted scenes of barely restrained wild behaviour from the audience. Helped by the music teacher stealthily moving the volume up on the mixing desk, conservatively dressed parents quickly got into the spirit of things, although no one responded more enthusiastically than Davidson, who had by now loosened his tie while waving his suit jacket around above his head. “This is rock and roll!” he exclaimed as he stood up on his seat.
Surfing the wave of energy, the band delivered an unscheduled rendition of The Ramones’ “Rock and Roll High School”. As corny as such a choice could have been, any sense of awkward irony was lost due to the true spirit of rock enveloping all present. Women invaded the stage to sing into the microphone, and men slam danced in the aisles. “To hell with all those stuck up clients. Bill Rodgers is welcome to them,” shouted Davidson to his wife, who was in the process of procuring marijuana from a teenager in return for showing him her breasts.
