“Think about it; when was the last time you heard the word “snazzy” used in a non-ironic way? Close your eyes and think, and think. Go on… Think a little more. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? And that’s just one of a slew of English words that are facing extinction.”
This is how globally-renowned linguistics expert Bartholomew Dankworth opened his intimate discussion in Tokyo last week where it was revealed that a new project was being launched to revive various nigh-forgotten words., with “snazzy” being used to highlight the challenges and goals. “To allow people to really imagine introducing these words back into their everyday lives, we’ve chosen words that fit within themes still relevant to the average person. Within these themes, we’ve identified lost words that are both interesting and thought-provoking, in the hope of helping people re-engage with language of old. It’s here in Japan that we’ll start the ball rolling. We think the whole project will be seen as snazzy, so to speak,” chortled the unfashionable boffin.
“The last time the word was used confidently, by a regular person, was in a home loan commercial on Australian television in the early 90s,” asserted Professor Dankworth to his audience at Ushigome University. “The word was used by an actor playing the role of a home loan applicant in response to seeing a bank’s home loan repayment calculator which predicted savings of lots of money. So, even then, the word wasn’t really used in the correct way. Since then, however, the word has been solely used by smart-assed young people who have a tendency to roll their eyes and speak in increasingly disrespectful tones.”
The question that remains, however, is why this initiative is kicking off in Tokyo. Veteran Assistant Language Teacher Kilbey Wilson-Piper explained the project from a teacher’s perspective. “As a professional teacher of English I was intrigued by the challenge of developing a list of lost words that are still relevant to modern life, and that we could potentially bring back into modern day language. As I and many others are at the coal-face of language teaching, I think professors saw us as seed planters. Where others look at us as dancing monkeys, learned masters of language saw an opportunity in us. They could see that our expertise could be used in a purposeful and productive way. It goes without saying that it’s exciting too.
“There are some ALTs who won’t appreciate the weight of expectations that have been placed on them, and that makes me sad. It seems that no matter how hard I work to make a difference, there will always be those ALTs who do a minimum of prep and just want to ride the education gravy train until they become bald and limp-dicked, whereupon they’ll head home to grab some inheritance that they’re barely entitled to. It hurts to think of it, but sometimes I feel like I’m standing in an intellectual oasis surrounded by a generic Netflix viewing bunch of clowns.”
Professor Dankworth has been careful to keep emotions from getting involved in the project. “I’m tired of artistic prats cherry picking words and owning them. Words like “fabulous”, “oeuvre”, and “existential” are for everyone to use freely. “Transient”, “seminal”, and “ephemeral” come under this umbrella too, as does the precious “snazzy”. We can’t coerce the mainstream population into using these words though. Instead, we need to take a step back and allow these words to organically return to common usage by your average sports fans and Cosmopolitan readers.”
