One Who Stayed

We have all seen that the serious problems at the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant have resulted in a huge exodus, partly brought on by concerned family members and scary headlines in western media.  With foreign residents fleeing Japan in unprecedented numbers, it has even been reported that some English schools have been forced to close due to a lack of staff.

At least one young foreigner, however, has bravely vowed to stay put, in solidarity with his neighbours.  26 year old English Teacher, Luke Falzon, a resident of Kita Ward, has told his parents that he will not leave until the Queen orders him to do so.  Falzon reluctantly took his eyes off the BBC News page on the computer for a few seconds to put his case across.  “How can I leave here?  This has been my home for 18 months.  I have a girlfriend plus 2 other chicks that I’m doing on the side.  The izakaya lifestyle is great.  I can get drunk and fall onto the subway without fear of getting done over by arseholes.  I’ve got babes hanging off me.  What kind of guy would I be to just up and leave?

“Sure, it was brown trouser time when I saw those helicopters trying to dump water on the reactors after they had been evacuated.  I was feeling a little anxious.  I admit that I looked up an old, old friend in Osaka on Facebook just to check if his sofa was available.  I was out of bog roll too and those old copies of the Metropolis weren`t substituting well either.  Then my girlfriend, Kaho, came around with her Survival Kit and cooked me some dinner.  I realized that I had it all here in Tokyo.  I’d be a clown to leave.”

Falzon explained how his mother called from her home in Kent, England sounding very concerned, telling him that he might have to leave China because Japan was being wiped out by radiation, and that it was expected to drift west.  It was then that he had to remind her that he actually lived in Japan – and that everything was fine.  In order to reassure his mother Falzon decided to to take some steps to look after himself.  He purchased duct tape to guard against possible radiation entering his apartment, and he also decided to cover his private parts with layers of aluminium foil when he ventured outside.

Keen to put across his own views on the foreigners leaving Tokyo in droves, Falzon spoke frankly, “Let’s face it, white guys are a dime a dozen here these days.  With a lot of guys leaving, a lot of my nightclub competition is leaving too.  I think things are going to be getting easier for a guy like me to score.  I think it could be time to give Heartland and the other Roppongi bars another go.”

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