Spanish Culture Enthusiast’s festival gets rained on

“I’m half Spanish and half Japanese, so when I see a sausage I don’t know whether to eat it or shove it up my jacksie.” 

It’s a tired old one-liner that gets reworked into every mixed-race permutation, but it kind of summed up Atama Denbu’s feelings towards the end of the recent Spanish Festival in Yoyogi Park.  For 44 year old Denbu, the festival is the highlight of the year, however, while the Nagano-based civil engineer gets into the Spanish spirit of things, his wife Kao tends to throw muchos shade on his passion.

The bolero and cummerbund always guarantee a lot of attention from the ladies.

“Last year Kao stayed home.  She just wasn’t interested in getting on the train and heading into central Tokyo,” explained Denbu when I interviewed him towards the end of the festival.  “She said that she was boycotting the event because of bullfighting.  In the past she’s boycotted in solidarity with Catalan separatists.  All nonsense, of course.  She just stays home and watches boy band DVDs while munching on rice snacks all day.  This year she decided to come and spoil the day for me.  I think it’s because her dildo stopped pulsating.  It’s more than just a battery issue, so she’s been in a deep funk over it.”

Upon arriving at Harajuku Station, Denbu slipped into the disabled toilets and spruced himself up.  Fifteen minutes later he stepped out looking like a stylish matador, turning heads as he made his way to the festival site.  But it was during this walk that Kao offered her first upper-cut of the day.  “You’d wet your pants if a cow came within a few meters of you.  Bullfight!?  More like Bullshitter, or even Pants-Shitter!”  It was an observation that Denbu didn’t deserve, but the harder body blows were yet to come.

Casually dressed men found themselves slightly embarrassed to be in the vicinity of a finely attired brewer.

Chatting to the affable Spanish Cultural Attache, Denbu turned grey as Kao gushed that they were looking forward to “visiting Lisbon and Porto on next year’s trip to Europe.”  Still, Denbu was determined to get some separation from his wife and enjoy his big day out.  It wasn’t easy though as Kao did a good job of tagging along and ruining any interaction that her husband had.  Photographs, for example, were bombed without fail, and poor Denbu found himself cock-blocked whenever a hot, young woman began complimenting him on his clothes.   A twenty year old student stroking Denbu’s bolero, found her hand being slapped away with the warning, “Hey!  He’s my husband, and he’d probably just disappoint you anyway.”

Shutting his wife up became a priority for Denbu, so he seized the initiative and stopped by the chorizo stand to buy some lunch with the assumption that Kao would be too busy stuffing her face to embarrass him.  It wasn’t to be though, as she slowly made her way through her rectangular styrofoam plate of sausages, making sure to fellate every single one audibly in front of as many foreign men as possible.  “I love the good stuff from overseas,” she explained to one of the few good looking Mediterranean men in attendance.  “It’s why I’ve come here today.”  

The chorizo stand had a queue in front of it all day, as the punters couldn’t get enough of the succulent fare.

Emotions can run high at these Yoyogi Park festivals.  Some men will humiliate themselves as they walk around with the assumption that all the Japanese women are only there because they hunger for the men from the host country.  Indeed, the Jamaican Festival and the Brazilian Festival are huge sausage parties due to expectations of loads of horny women getting along for a day of hooking up.  Tensions usually hit extreme with so many egotistical men peacocking into one another’s spaces.  

Some women will also bring shame on their families by taking up offers of obligation-free sex in barely concealed nooks and crannies, which are well known to perverts and opportunistic cameramen. The dearth of handsome Spanish men in Tokyo, however, went a long way to cooling the sexual energy at this festival.  Horny Spanish weaboos should bear in mind that this is definitely not a recommendation that they make their way to Tokyo to fill the void.   Seriously; stay where you are.

The notorious Japan Cured Ham Association and their shameless lobbyists once again tried to muscle in on the event, but with limited success this time.

If there was any peak in sexual activity at this particular festival, it was probably immediately after the flamenco dance contest which took place mid-afternoon.  Denbu placed a credible fourth, which put him as hot property amongst the impressed ladies in the crowd.  The lie that he had made (“One of my grandmothers was born in Valencia.”) during the post-dance interview only added to his high popularity rating.   Bumping into the earlier bolero stroker, Denbu believed that he was on a winner. 

With his wife nowhere in sight, he hurriedly make his way to one of the passion pits behind the stage, only to find his wife there enjoying a moment of intimacy with the third place getter.   It was a scene that the still euphoric Denbu didn’t deserve to encounter.  With both of them unable to deny their respective situations, the husband and wife combo sheepishly moved back to the main event, leaving the third place getter and the bolero stroker the opportunity to get acquainted.

Dirty tricks; These tasty looking sandwiches were not sold out. Instead, rival vendors had placed black Xs over popular menu items to hinder sales.

It was then that I was able to sit down with Denbu for a couple of glasses of sangria.  Although no longer in a fiesta mood, Denbu was nice enough to share his thoughts of the festival, and his experience.  “I wouldn’t say that this has been the best Spanish Festival that I’ve attended, but it’s certainly not the worst.  That was in 2018 when the Japan Cured Ham Association hired macho guys in boleros with pert buttocks to promote their products. Kao wouldn’t have laughed at them. Apparently they blew their marketing budget with that stunt and haven’t tried doing it since.

“I’m not sure what we’ll say to each other on the train home, to be honest.  She’s been in a sour mood all day, and I ruined the one bright moment that she had.  He (the third place getter) was a handsome guy.  Kao did well getting some fleeting action with him.  But, we are a married couple and, as such, we ought to try to enjoy these events together.  Will we come here together next year?  Well, Andalusian horses couldn’t drag me away from this festival. Flamenco dancing is my life. It’s too early to say if Kao will come again but, let’s face it, we’d definitely have to establish some ground rules before that happens.”

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