It’s in the supermarkets. It’s in the izakaya. It’s in the restaurants. It’s delicious. And now even the powerful Four Unique Seasons Groupthink Association (FUSGA) has announced that, due to recent developments, it has slightly altered its position on lamb.
For years the agreed-upon national attitude had been that lamb had a strange smell which every single son and daughter of Yamato found abhorrent. Following the increase in Pacific trade agreements and the dismantling of tariffs, however, it seems that palate selectiveness is entirely coincidentally becoming a thing of the past.
“We’ve never eaten lamb because somewhere at some time someone said the smell was disagreeable,” explained FUSGA spokesperson Kintama Asedarake. “Although, at the same time, in Hokkaido they have been eating a barbeque lamb dish for years.” Hana Susuri, a random 70 year old woman, who sticks her nose in whenever a westerner is around, added, “We call it Genghis Khan. Do you know?”
The news has been welcomed by Aussie and Kiwi farmers, who may or may not have slipped the President of the FUSGA a thick brown paper envelope recently. “You little beauty,” exclaimed the head of the Queensland Farmers Federation, Terry Sterling. “It’s great for us (Australian farmers) and it’s great for the Kiwi’s too. We all want a robust New Zealand economy as it gives all those Kiwis more reason to stay in New Zealand, rather than going out into the world and living amongst the rest of us.”
Not everyone is happy with the news, however. For 75 year old Kazuo Shitauchi, it leaves a few questions unanswered. “I’ve always accepted that I didn’t like lamb, but now I am supposed to like lamb. I may need time to adjust to this situation. Should I buy some now? Is the smell still bad? How will my highly sensitive scent glands and my unique digestive system handle it?”
