Welshman anxiously awaiting big disaster in order to be interviewed by western media

A typhoon is always presents a chance for widespread damage to occur.

Another disaster could hit Japan anytime.  If it’s not days of heavy rain triggering floods and mudslides, it’ll be earthquakes or train derailments.  When you throw in the North Koreans firing missiles from time to time, your odds of becoming caught up in an internationally newsworthy event get even shorter.  

A pedestrian puts enormous faith in a flimsy umbrella during a storm.

While others go about life as grasshoppers, living for today, Junior High School PE and English teacher Richard Llewellyn, sees himself as an ant busying himself for the inevitable.  “I’ve got my room perfectly set up for the interview.  My wall has an old Ken Takakura gangster movie poster displayed, and there’s a bonsai tree on my shelf. 

Tiny umbrellas are never any match for monsoonal rains.

“I subscribe to the Asahi Shinbun to make sure that I’ll have the day’s newspaper on my desk too, so it looks like I can actually read kanji.  I mean, I can read a little, but it’d really help me if the disaster involves a river or a mountain.  I think it’s important that people see Japanese things around me when I’m on screen.  It’ll help to provide that feeling that I’m in amongst it, and not just sitting in a bedsit in Cardiff.”

This dynamic reporter has stepped outside her office just long enough to tell everyone that you can get wet when it rains.

“I plan to wear a smart collared shirt to show the audience that I’m taking my role as an information provider seriously, and I want my old high school classmates to think that I’m really getting ahead in life.  I probably won’t have a shave though.  That’s because I need to show the masses that personal grooming is the last thing on my mind.”

Knee-high rubber boots can be put to good use in various situations.

For the 34 year old Llewellyn, planning for reporting on a disaster that he’s likely to survive comfortably has given him something to focus on in life.  “I’ve done my boozing and picking up in Shinjuku and Roppongi.  I’ve had the affairs with students’ moms.  I just want to get on and do something with a purpose I haven’t shown since I learnt how to read hiragana and work out a couple of handy aikido moves.”

Experienced reporters have managed to convince producers to let them stay nice and dry during extreme weather events.

“I’ve sussed out how to contact the BBC and The Guardian quickly, just in case there’s some amateur out there ready to steal the spotlight.  I’m pretty sure that, as a Welshman, at the very least I’ll be able to at least get interviewed for some radio station in Swansea or Wrexham.  I’ve also got a memo written on my desk reminding me to find out the name of the interviewer.  If I can use the interviewers name it’ll look like I have some kind of rapport with top-tier reporters.  Who knows where it could lead?”

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