Saturday night at a pretty ordinary drinking establishment in Shibuya saw dozens of jaws dropping as an almost mythical hot white guy was spotted quaffing lager at one of the frisbee-on-legs that they have there.
“Y’know, he’s so good looking that he could actually pick up a girl in his hometown,” gushed 24 year old Jill Stanley.
As he wavered between ordering fish & chips and chicken & chips (He chose fish!), 28 year old sex god Josh Devenish-Meares explained what a guy like him was doing at the chain pub. “I’m taking a break from my regular tofu bar and Kagoshima chicken izakaya. An English teacher acquaintance of mine suggested that I come here for a change. It’s a friendly place.”
Although I was there as a neutral observer, I felt my shirt being tugged. “Just tell me he’s not gay… or an English teacher… or a translator… or a code monkey for that matter,” begged 26 year old Simone Canmore.
The considerate and charming Devenish-Meares continued, “I have nothing but respect for all of the language teachers in this city. They’re real troopers, working until nine o’clock every night. That takes a certain amount of dynamism. I’m usually home by six watching Netflix, so they have my admiration.”
It wasn’t long before the cool American was turning heads. “I’m one of those bitter white women who’s been here too long, and I’ve seen enough to have developed a certain level of contempt for all western men, but even now as I talk to you I can feel my panties moistening,” panted 29 year old Laurier Edmonton.
As his nipples pressed gently against his Italian shirt, the sparkling dreamboat enthused, “Life in Tokyo is a real eye-opener for me. Back in my hometown I spent weekends cycling, swimming, and taking part in community reforestation projects. I take it easier in winter though, just hosting dinner parties and cooking cannelloni, lomo saltado, or something with my tagine.”
Amongst the throng of women staring a little too long in Devenish-Meares’ direction was at least one young lady ready to go at it in the nearest public convenience. “I guarantee that my knickers will be around my ankles for this guy, just as soon as I can confirm that he’s not a German banker,” asserted 34 year old Melanie Strathcona.
Devenish-Meares was last seen with a sexy young local lady, who was gently leading the conversation toward the likelihood of him buying an apartment in either New York City or Los Angeles in the near future.