Last month’s article (“Fully Qualified western teacher incredulous over growing demand for Filipina Zoom Teachers”) has caused a fair bit of outrage and seen Jarrod Dallas’ near drowning in a torrent of abuse. Cancelled on two major platforms, Dallas has found out who his real friends are, so we thought it would only be fair if we gave him another chance to put his case forward.
Can you describe how you feel at the moment, Jarrod?
It’s not a question of how Jarrod Dallas feels at the moment. I would say look at anyone when they are feeling vulnerable, as this situation is really challenging, and especially as a man… it’s a lot, so… y’know. But, thank you for asking, because not many people have asked if I’m ok. It’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes. It certainly hasn’t been easy and, no – things are not ok. It’s been a struggle. These people will destroy your life. I think I speak for all qualified teachers in Japan when I say this.
Are you the union leader or something like that?
No, I’m not even a member of a union.
Well, in that case, you can’t speak for anyone but yourself.
Surely you’d still like to say something about all this outrage that you’ve caused?
Sure, I do. Try this little recipe; Take a bit of Covid-19, the rapid rise in popularity of Zoom, and add a developing country known for its hot women which shares roughly the same timezone as Japan. What’s the result? Unemployment, if you’re an experienced and qualified business English instructor in Japan.
It hurts, because I’m such a dynamic teacher. I’m known as “The Motivator” wherever I work because I really pump the students. I give it to them hard, let them know who’s boss, and dare them to challenge me. I go all the way to the edge and laugh at it as I step off. I cop complaints on a pretty regular basis, but there’ll always be people who can’t hang on and get to grips with my expeditious technique. I’ve never claimed that I could take everyone along for the ride either.
How do you feel about Japanese businessmen choosing Filipina teachers en masse?
It’d be a shame to think that all these businessmen just want to look at some eye-candy for an hour, rather than getting down to learning some tried and true key expressions that have the potential to influence a client’s decision. Do they really think people like me are all uncool cast-offs who aren’t worth the First-World wage-slave rates? Their actions suggest that they do.
How do you feel about the women who are providing the Zoom lessons?
I’d never spend a night with one of those women, and I’ll tell you why, too. The reason is that I don’t want to wake up to find that I’m not only married, but that my parents’ wills have been amended. These babes are fast, in more ways than one. One thing that they can’t do is teach English as well as me. Can they explain the etymology of “rain-check”? Do they know how to work terms like “Hail Mary”, “Pinch Hitter”, or any Yogi Bera quote into a conversation?
And let me ask about the credibility of a Filipina involved service industry where the customer has to provide the tug!? That’s like a French restaurant where you have to put that fancy drizzle over the dish yourself, or doing time in a Turkish prison where you have to violate yourself. The non-physical aspect of zoom ought to negate the Filipina mystique and effect the market price of the “language lessons”.
And, how do you feel about people from The Philippines in general?
I wish them well on their unfeasibly long road toward becoming an attractive place to reside. At the end of the day, we have to remind ourselves that these people put soy sauce in their Adobo though. Isn’t that kind of like putting pineapple on a pizza? Is The Philippines actually good at anything? They never win Olympic medals, and their best boxers get beaten up by Japanese guys. I’ve gotta give credit where it’s due though; these guys can come up with a bargain. For example, did you know that any holiday spent in a coastal resort comes with a free visit to the Police Station to fill out a report?
These women who steal my students are promoted for “Clearly Spoken English”. Come on! They should call it “Cleavage Pokin’ English”! That’s clever, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll go into advertising.