The light-entertainment and parochial-news industries were today coming to terms with the news that American source-of-common-knowledge Dave Spector’s hair was fighting for survival.
Spector’s hair, which has received more treatment than an aging pitcher’s shoulder, is not expected to last more than six months. Doctors at the Ushikome Hospital explained that the follicles and scalp had simply taken too much punishment over a long period of time, and couldn’t be expected to continue to cope with the daily onslaught. A grim-faced Spector was seen leaving the exclusive medical facility late last night.
The jury is out as to what Spector’s greasy combed-back yellowy hair may have originally looked like, but it`s now the future which interests most commentators. Said self-styled TV expert Fuka Asamade, “Baldness is the number one killer of television careers, especially in Japan, so people are beginning to wonder whether they’ll have to put up with Spector on their screens for much longer, particularly when there’s a bald white guy doing the rounds already. The market may not want a second.”
Spector seems determined to put on a brave face and get down to business as usual, which basically means that he’ll be explaining the zeitgeist to morons who don’t read newspapers, as well as delivering the occasional witty one liner which his co-panelists won’t understand, because their idea of champagne comedy is two grown men hitting each other with plastic mallets.